Event: WWE Monday Night RAW
Airdate: Monday, August 5th, 2013 (USA Network)
Location: The Resch Center in Green Bay, WI
Results by H. Winston
“Yes, sir, we promised you a great main event…”
We are live in Green Bay, WI. The show starts with Stephanie McMahon already in the ring. She says it is no secret that her dad does not believe Daniel Bryan is championship material, though many of the audience and Triple H disagree. Stephanie has a plan to make Daniel Bryan more palatable.
[A video shows Daniel Bryan working out, eating steak at a nice restaurant, and being measured for a suit. He did not look happy when he saw himself in the mirror.]
Daniel Bryan’s music hits, he comes out in a suit and tie with a ponytail and YES’s to the ring. Stephanie says he looks sharp and give Bryan the ring to himself. The crowd chimes in with “Yes!” chants. He asks if the crowd likes his look and they all say no. Bryan thanks Stephanie for her time and effort, but says that this is not what the company wants. The company wants someone who is jacked up and wears cargo shorts with a bright T-shirt. Someone who can sell everyone things they don’t actually need. Someone like John Cena. Bryan says he respects Cena, but he says that Cena does not think Bryan can beat him. Why would he think Bryan could beat him? Cena is in movies and on cereal boxes, while Bryan has a scraggly beard and from nowhere in the northwest. Bryan says that Cena is an entertainer, but Daniel Bryan is a wrestler. Cena has been in the sold out arenas, he has not seen the mud that Bryan has crawled through because he is a wrestler. If Cena is fired, he goes back to his mansion and his multi-million dollar lifestyle. If Bryan gets fired, you’ll see him working in the gym. As the crowd cheers, Bryan says that they must like wrestling too. In with the YES chants. Bryan says he will dress in the suit, for now, and do what they want, for now. But at SummerSlam he’s going to do what everyone wants him to do: make Cena tap out.
Enter Vince. Vince looks Bryan over and says Bryan’s pants are too short. Vince doesn’t want Cena to be champion but wants Bryan to be champion even less. But Vince is warming up to Bryan. WWE has never had a dwarf as a champion. WWE has never had a champion with the muscles of a toothpick. He says Bryan looks like a miniature Mick Foley. But something could be worked out. He says Bryan’s makeover needs one more thing. He looks at Bryan’s beard and asks if he has a bird nest in it. If Bryan wants Vince’s support, he will need to shave the beard off. He says to bring down the chair. A chair is hauled to ringside. Bryan starts a NO chant. Vince says the people don’t know what they want, he knows what they want. Vince says Bryan has come this far, it’s just one more step. Bryan reluctantly gets in the chair, and Vince asks Wade Barret to come to the ring to do the honors. Barret comes out with the proper tools, and tells Bryan not to worry because he has done this before. Vince notes that Barret’s father used to be a barber, or “whatever they called it in the UK”. As Bryan asks Barret to leave a spot on his beard, he headbutts Barret, throws him into the chair and begins shaving Barret’s beard. He throws Barret over the barricade and YES’s to the top of the stage. Bryan says he’s going to be who he has always been and be the WWE champion. He takes the suit off and reveals a shirt that mocks Cena’s shirt and says “the beard is here”. Bryan says “The beard is here!” and his music sends him off. Vince looks upset.
Miz is ringside with the announce team. Cole says that Miz will be the official host of SummerSlam.
RVD vs Alberto Del Rio
RVD enters the ring. Ricardo Rodriguez is back from his injury suffered by being put through a table, and announces Del Rio to the ring. The two go back and forth, RVD gets an early standing moonsault with a 2-count. RVD gets another moonsault from the apron onto Del Rio outside the ring. Christian is shown watching the match from backstage.
Back from commercial, Del Rio is in control. RVD regains control with a series of clotheslines. He tries to follow up with Rolling Thunder but misses. Del Rio goes for a kick while RVD is in the corner but misses. RVD jumps to the top and hits a jumping kick on Del Rio. RVD hits rolling thunder with a 2-count. Ricardo had set his metal bucket in the corner for Del Rio to use, but RVD uses this to his advantage and causes Del Rio to go head-first into the bucket. RVD gets the 3-count.
Post-match: Del Rio kicks Rodriguez and beats him with the bucket. He then throws Rodriguez out of the ring. JBL says that this is what you do when an employee messes up. Del Rio sets Rodriguez up between the steel steps and the ring, and does a dropkick to the steps, smashing Rodriguez.
Back from commercial, Cody Rhodes is in the ring. Rhodes has a gift for Sandow in a brown box, similar in shape and size of Sandow’s briefcase. . A video shows the past two-weeks of shenanigans between Rhodes and Sandow. Rhodes pulls Sandow’s briefcase out of the box, dripping wet with some green gulf plants hanging out of it. Sandow comes out to get the case. He tells Rhodes to leave the ring. Cody gets out, but enters as Sandow does to attack him. He beats Sandow out of the ring and throws the briefcase at him. Cole says that Sandow is “all washed up”.
Ryback vs Mark Henry
Ryback comes out, followed by Mark Henry. The two men have a stare down. Henry hits a running shoulder to knock Ryback down. Ryback gets Henry down, followed by a series of kicks. He tries a running attack but Henry retaliates with another shoulder. Ryback rolls out of the ring and walks back to the top of the stage to be counted out.
Winner: Mark Henry
The Bellas are shown backstage. One of them said they looked hot. The other says she was hot too. They discuss the ratings of Total Divas and seemed happy. Kaitlyn appears. A Bella says that it’s a slap in the face for her to be allowed on their show. Kaitlyn says that, no, this is a slap in the face. And then she slapped a Bella in the face.
John Cena comes out. He says that it’s that time again, and this is a familiar feeling for him. Sometimes he has to go against a real fan favorite. He says that he knows a lot of the crowd favor Daniel Bryan over him. He heard Bryan talk tonight, and even though there was truth but there was a lot of ignorance too. He says that what he said is no different than what The Rock and CM Punk have said about him. He says he is not changing for them or anyone. Cena says that he knows hard times too, having broke his neck and coming back from it. Cena says that Bryan glorifying his wrestling accomplishments anywhere else is negligible, comparable to someone saying that they were successful in the Arena Football League. Cena says that it’s nothing new for someone to criticize his wrestling, and notes that the fans are chanting it right now (“you can’t wrestle”). Cena says that you don’t get lucky eleven times. The fans come in with a “boring” chant. Cena says that it sounds like the fans are ready to see the fight right now. He says some more things and ends with “our time is now and the champ is here.”
Enter Randy Orton with his friend the red briefcase. Orton says that Cena is always aware of the target on his back but never aware of the target right in front of his face. It doesn’t matter who wins at SummerSlam because Orton will come out as the WWE Champion. Orton holds the briefcase up and says the champ is here.
Enter The Shield. They surround the ring. Orton and Cena prepare to defend themselves. Daniel Bryan runs out and is in the ring with Orton and Cena. Brad Maddox comes out and announces a 6-man tag match for tonight: The Shield vs John Cena, Randy Orton and Daniel Bryan.
Wyatt Family vs Tons of Funk
Back from Commercial, Tons of Funk are in the ring dancing to the funk music. The lights go out, and the Wyatt family is here. There wasn’t much offense from Tons of Funk and the match only lasted about two minutes. Bray sat in his chair as Luke Harper and Erik Rowan were in the ring. The match ended with what looked like a running body splash from Rowan onto Tensai.
Winner: Wyatt Family
Post-match: Bray does his finisher to Brodus Clay. He says that he is the man of a thousand truths. He says that he is forever, heyyyeeyyy, follow the buzzards. Fire erupts, and Kane is on the screen. He says that when you pull wings off of buzzards for fun, they are impossible to follow. Kane likes that the Wyatts want to hurt everyone who crosses their path. Kane does not do this to send a message but for his own personal reasons. Kane says he is the devil’s favorite demon, and at SummerSlam, his family will not be able to save him from a ring of fire. Bray is laughing in the ring.
Backstage, CM Punk is asked what he thinks of his match tonight against Curtis Axel. Punk says that Axel has such a blind loyalty to Heyman that it’s going to get him beat tonight. Punk is not a liar like Heyman in that when he says he is coming for you, he is coming for you. Punk is asked about Lesnar. Punk says that at SummerSlam, Lesnar loses his match and Heyman loses everything.
Kaitlyn vs Layla
Kaitlyn takes Layla down right from the start. Layla gets up and frantically tries to get out of the ring. She climbs on the top rope, Cole noting that she looks like a sloth. From behind the ref, she kicks Kaitlyn, followed by an uppercut and gets a 2-count. Layla slams Kaitlyn face-first into the mat and gets her into a hold. Kaitlyn breaks out and his Layla with a diving shoulder. She prepares for a spear but AJ Lee’s music hits and she skips to the ring. AJ gets on the ropes and distracts Kaitlyn long enough for Layla to get a head kick in for the 3-count.
Post-match: Layla and AJ Lee skip around the ring together.
Christian vs Heath Slater
Slater gains early control of the match thanks to his members of 3MB. Slater gets Christian in a headlock. Slater chokes Christian against the bottom rope, and 3MB get some shots in as the ref pulls Slater off. Christian hits a missile dropkick and gets a 2-count. Slater attempts to suplex Christian over the top rope but Christian counters and throws Slater into the ring. Slater does a unique dance in the ring, but gets hit by a spear as he turns around. If it were a dance contest, Heath Slater would certainly be the winner. However..
CM Punk vs Curtis Axel
CM Punk is out first. As Axel walks down the ramp, Punk exits the ring and initiates the attack midway on the ramp. Heyman flees to the backstage. They briefly battle on stage but end up back in the ring as the match officially starts. Axel has control early on. Punk gets a takedown by catching Axel with his legs after an irish whip reversal. Punk targets the left leg of Axel before throwing him out of the ring. Punk dives through the ropes, driving Axel into the barricade.
Back from commercial, Axel has control with Punk in a hold, center of the ring. Punk gets out and hits a kick, but Axel hits a running shoulder to knock Punk back down. Axel hits a bodyslam and follows with an elbow from the top rope. Heyman comes out to the ring as Axel is back in control of the match. Punk seems focused on Heyman. Punk hits a cross-body from the top rope. Punk exits the ring to pursue Heyman but is hit by a clothesline from Axel. Axel goes for another top rope attack but misses. Punk regains momentum and his a swinging neckbreaker. Punk hits the running knee followed by a clothesline in the center of the ring. Punk goes to the top rope but Axel knocks him down and hits a neckbreaker, followed by a 2-count. Crowd chimes in with a “this is awesome” chant. Punk hits a kick to Axel’s face. Punk gets a hold of Heyman as the bell signals the end of the match. (A winner was not announced but I think Punk was DQ’d for grabbing Heyman.)
Lesnar’s music hits and he’s headed down the ramp. Punk is standing in the center of the ring waiting for him but Axel pulls Punk out of the ring. Punk hits Axel with a GTS. Punk tries to hit Lesnar with a chair but Lesnar grabs it and throws it aside. Lesnar gets Punk on his back for the F5, but Punk slides off and pushes him into the ringpost. Punk gets on the announce table and jumps into Lesnar, knocking him down. Lesnar knocks Punk down and is back in control, throwing Punk into the ring. Lesnar goes for the F5 but Punk breaks free and hits Lesnar with a chair, sending the crown into a frenzy. Punk is about to hit Heyman with the chair, but Lesnar grabs Punk and hits the F5. Heyman yells for Lesnar to hurt Punk, as Lesnar repeatedly hits Punk with the chair as he lies on the ground.
Backstage, Heyman is asked about what he thinks what happened. Lesnar gets the mic and claims he is the beast and the best of the world. Lesnar tells Paul to say something stupid. Heyman says to tell Punk that he may not make it to SummerSlam because Heyman is challenging Punk to a man vs man fight next week on RAW.
Fandango vs Kofi Kingston
Kofi opens the match with a series of kicks to the legs of Fandango. Fandango throws Kofi into the corner with a lot of force, knocking him down. Fandango gets a 2-count. Fandango has Kofi in a headlock, Kofi breaks out but is hit by a running attack. Kofi gains momentum with a series of running kicks and clotheslines. Kofi hits the boom-drop. Fandango climbs under the ropes to avoid Kofi’s attack, hits Kofi and uses the ropes to pin but only gets a 2-count. The two briefly go back and forth, but Kofi hits the Trouble in Paradise for the 3-count.
Winner: Kofi Kingston
Stephanie is crying backstage because Vince yelled at her; apparently he did not like her makeover segment. Triple H says that Vince has lost it. He says that Vince goes around and does whatever he wants to do and doesn’t care who it affects. Triple H says he is tired of Vince and he’s going to stop him before he ruins SummerSlam.
Back from commercial, The Real Americans are in the ring with Zeb Coulter. Coulter says that all the cheese people eat in Green Bay not only clogs their arteries, but their brains as well. He says their football team is overrated. He says the people need to pack their bags, because the land belongs to the Real Americans.
The Real Americans vs The Usos
As the match begins, the crowd was chanting “Go Pack go!” in support of their football team the Green Bay Packers. The Real Americans have control early on, punishing Jimmy in their corner. TJimmy tries to break out but Swagger slams him to the ground. Cesaro is tagged in and uses Swagger to propel himself up and lands on the downed Uso. Swagger is tagged back in and has Jimmy in a submission, center of the ring. Jimmy breaks out and gets a hit in, and manages to tag Jay in. Jay comes in and hits a running shoulder to Cesaro. Jay gets a good “us-o” chant going and hits a running knee into Cesaro, down in the corner. Cesaro goes for a top rope attack, but is hit by a kick to the gut. Cesaro gets help from Swagger as the ref was busy with Zeb Coulter. With the illegal help, Cesaro is able to hit the neutralizer for the 3-count.
Winner: The Real Americans
Dolph Ziggler vs Big E Langston
Ziggler ducks a clothesline and hits a dropkick on Big E. Ziggler is on the side of the ring and is hit big a hard clothesline, downing Ziggler on the apron. Big E is in control with a submission, center of the ring. Ziggler hits Big E with a dropping chin-buster. Ziggler hits a neck-breaker to get a 2-count. Big E gets a hold of Ziggler and hits a back-breaker but only gets a 2-count. Kaitlyn comes down the ramp and slams AJ Lee into the apron. Their fight spills into the ring. As Ziggler tries to stop it, Big E hits a clothesline. Big E hoists Ziggler onto his shoulder to hit the big ending.
Winner: Big E Langston
Actors from the reality show Summer Camp are interviewed ringside by Josh Matthews. One of the girls said watching the show made her want to be a diva and hit someone with a chair. The other girl said something about s’mores and that, during their show, she had chocolate in places she did not want to talk about.
The Shield vs John Cena, Randy Orton and Daniel Bryan
Bryan is out first, followed by Orton and then Cena. The Shield enter the ring soon after. The match starts with Orton and Seth Rollins. The two go back and forth with punches until Rollins kicks Orton into the corner. Orton gains control and hits a suplex on Rollins, center of the ring. Orton tags in Bryan who comes in with a missile dropkick. Rollins tags in Ambrose. Bryan hits a clothesline, then jumps through the ropes to knock Ambrose into the barricade. Ambrose’s team help him regain control. Reigns is tagged in. Reigns keeps control by keeping Bryan in The Shield’s corner. Rollins is tagged in. He has Bryan in a headlock for a while until Reigns is tagged back in. Bryan kicks Reigns down and manages to get the tag to Cena. Cena clears the house but the ref forces Cena back to his corner as he did not see the tag. Orton is knocked out of the ring. Bryan gets the yes-lock on Rollins, but the other members of the Shield jump in. They are DQ’d.
Winner: Daniel Bryan, Randy Orton and John Cena
Daniel Bryan celebrates with YES chants. Orton enters the ring from behind Bryan, spins him around and hits the RKO. Cena and Orton lock eyes, but the Shield come back. Orton and Cena fight them off, then Orton hits Cena with the RKO. He sees Cena out on the ground and goes for his briefcase, dragging a ref along with him to the ring. He’s about to get in the ring, but stops as he sees the Shield coming back. Orton takes his briefcase and leaves, watching the Shield destroy Cena and Bryan as RAW goes off the air.
Credit: H. Winston