(All quoted song lyrics from “DNA” by Kendrick Lamar)
Part 1: Intro
“I got Loyalty, got royalty inside my DNA
Cocaine quarter piece, got war and peace inside my DNA”
Hey y’all. Here we are, back in the funny pages. Having a laugh, talking wrestling.
With Extreme Rules 2017 just around the corner I wanted to take this time to revisit my favorite match in the history of my pro wrestling fandom. “Favorite,” you say? Yes, favorite. Not to be confused with “best” or “most influential.” As in Puppet Master III is my favorite horror movie but there are clearly “better” fright films to be had.
When I think of personal wrestling favorites, matches like Savage vs Warrior from Mania 91, Jericho vs Michaels from No Mercy 08, and HHH vs Jack from Rumble 2000 all come to mind. But Cena vs Lesnar 2012 stands above them all. Not only is it the most unique WWE match I have ever seen, it’s the closest I’ve ever come to saying, “man, that was perfect.” And yes, unfortunately the match does have one glaring issue. And yes, that issue does hamper the match to a degree. And yes, if not for that issue, I would indeed say this is the “best” match of all time…. But c’est la vie.
Part 2: The Rest of the Card
“I got dark, I got evil, that rot inside my DNA
I got off, I got troublesome heart inside my DNA”
Broadcasting live from the Allstate Arena in Rosemont, Illinois, it’s Extreme Rules!
[Steps out of a haphazardly built time machine and into April 2012 WWE] “Oh, there’s CM Punk as WWE Champion. Cool. Daniel Bryan in a World Heavyweight Title match. Awesome. Oh hey, there’s Kane and Orton having a surprisingly good Falls Count Anywhere match. Man, 2012 was awesome. Oh, and how about Brodus Clay and co. vs Dolph Zigg…. Wait…. Oh no. Cody vs Big Show? Ryback vs jobbers on PPV? The Bella’s doing twin magic?” Dammit 2012. You were so close to being great. And let us not forget Big Johnny and “People Power” (which to be fair was half great). But fuck all that, I’m here for the main event.
Part 3: The Match
“I got Realness, I just kill shit ’cause it’s in my DNA
I got millions, I got riches buildin’ in my DNA”
The aforementioned Big Johnny makes an appearance. He’s on top of the world, excited for the re-debut of the “new face of the WWE,” Brock Lesnar. The “new face of the WWE” is like the “new generation of sports entertainers;” phrases that have lost all meaning as year after year WWE has desperately tried to convince us we are witnessing something innovative and fresh…. But I digress.
We are treated to a promo package recapping the main event feud. At Mania 2012, Cena lost his “Once in a Lifetime” match-up against The Rock. Twenty-four hours later, he ate an F-5 from a returning Brock Lesnar. From that moment until Extreme Rules, Cena’s life and career has been in a perpetual tail spin. He even lost to a (re)debuting Tensai! On Raw! I take it back, 2012 was great.
But the primary focus of the promo package was the in-ring return of Brock. Brock had made quite the name for himself away from the pro wrestling circuit during his eight year absence (though he did take bookings for New Japan on the side). He came remarkably close to making an NFL roster as a walk-on. Not letting that bump in the road deter him, Brock took on the world of Mixed Marital Arts and quickly lifted the UFC Heavyweight Championship. His run on top, while highly lucrative, was short lived as he suffered multiple bouts of diverticulitis as well as back-to-back knock out losses. Coming to the conclusion that his shoot fighting career was over, Lesnar made his surprise return to the WWE as a “legitimate” fighter. “I’m not a superstar, I’m an ass kicker,” he lets us know. “There’s nothing about Brock Lesnar that’s fake.” In both kayfabe and shoot, Lesnar truly was a conquerer.
Brock comes out first to a solid if somewhat tempered pop. Cena’s out next to a 60/40 pro/anti reception. The typically venomous Chicago crowd was generally alright with Cena on this night. Cena sports his “Thug Life” era heavy chain that he hangs over the corner ring post. There’s a big fight feel right away as no one knows what to expect from this new Brock Lesnar. On commentary, Jerry Lawler puts over “if Cena loses, he may never be the same.”
Quick start as Cena shoots out of the corner like a bullet. Lesnar scores an immediate double leg take down and goes to work with razor like elbow smashes that slice Cena open 20 seconds into the match. He follows that up with a stiff clothesline. Cena tries plan A again and it’s deja vu as he’s taken down and beaten mercilessly. It’s maybe a minute into the match and we get our first ref stoppage. A medic is called over as Cena is bleeding like a stuck (stuffed?) pig.
Now a blood stoppage has the tendency to drag down most matches. There was a Rey Mysterio/CM Punk match from 2010 that nearly lost the crowd as the ref continually interrupted the action to check on Punk who had been busted open hard-way. The difference between that match and this one is that Punk’s cut was an accident. It in no way played into the match or hindered Punks ability to do his job. Did Brock intend to bust Cena open? I can’t say. But it certainly looked like he knew what he was doing as she hammered Cena’s forehead with successive elbows. Those blows where delivered with malice. Whether you liked Cena or not, it was hard not to be concerned for his wellbeing.
The beating continues with Brock taking the match 90/10. Cena does muster brief offensive flurries every few minutes but each one is snuffed out almost immediately. The tide appears to turn as John connects with a shoulder tackle that launches Lesnar back and we get our first ref bump. A second shoulder hits a brick wall and Brock is back in control. With the ref out of the picture, Brock works over Cena’s open wound. He licks Cena’s blood off the side of his glove and the crowd recoils in disgust.
John goes for his “Thug Life” chain but there’s no escaping this massacre. Brock locks in the kimura submission and stops just short of ripping Cena’s arm off his shoulder before chucking him into the ring post. Brock ponders new ways to inflict punishment onto Cena and decides it’s his turn to bring the chain into play. He wraps the chain around John’s legs and dares him to “get up.” John obliges and is met with another sick clothesline.
Still tied up, Lesnar dumps John over the ring post in a sort of “tree of woe” position. Helpless, Cena suffers more damage to his arm and ribs. Brock takes a break from his onslaught and attempts to revive the ref and singlehandedly deadlifts him from the outside back into the ring. It’s time to finish Cena off.
Just barely hanging in there, a battered and bruised John Cena slips under the bottom rope, chain wrapped around his palm. Not so fast as Brock cuts him off with a stomp to the hand that Cena sells with great anguish. This is it…. But No! Brock up for the AA! No, counter! F-5 to Cena! But another ref bump. A new ref sprints down! 1-2-kick-out! A very displeased Brock kills ref #2 for our 3rd ref bump of the match.
Two things I want to cover here. The first is the art of the ref bump. A lot of times, even 1 ref bump can lead to crowd letting out a collective groan. This match has 3 ref bumps and since all three are motivated, I’m totally fine with it. The first bump, I’m assuming, is to keep the ref from stopping the match due to A) Cena bleeding and B) Brock kicking too much ass. The second bump is a means to protect Brock’s finish. And the third bump is to put over Brock and an uncaged monster. Prior to the match, Brock signed a (kayfabe) contract saying that basically he could do whatever he wanted to whoever he wanted and there would be no repercussions. So he did in fact do whatever he wanted to whoever he wanted.
The second thing I want to cover is false finishes. This match has exactly 1 false finish. There are a total of 2 pin fall attempts in the entire match, the second of which is the actual finish. There’s no finisher trading. There are hardly any signature spots at all. Cena never hits or attempts the proto bomb. He never hits or attempts the five knuckle shuffle. He never locks in or attempts the STF(U). Because this match isn’t about “sports entertainment,” it’s about survival. That cute shit won’t cut it against Brock.
So we’re reached the finish. A third (and maybe fourth) ref runs down and looks scared shitless (probably for a shoot). Brock heads to the outside and returns with the ring steps. He takes one step and then another…. He’s the king of the mountain. A still clinging to life John Cena flashes the “You Can’t See Me” hand wave and fires up. But again, Brock is just too much as he locks in yet another Kimura. Cena manages to counter with an impressive single arm spinebuster and both men are down. Cena goes for his patented top rope leg drop… But comes up empty as Brock dodges out of the way. A pained Cena rolls to the outside and a dumbfounded Lesnar internally ponders, “which way did he go?” Brock finally spots his prey and as Cena struggles onto the ring apron, Lesnar bounces off the ropes and catapults so recklessly off the steps that not only does he hammer Cena with a flying forearm but he also launches himself over the top rope and splats on the outside. There’s immediate concern as Brock sells his knee…. But no worry, he just shakes it off with sadistic delight.
The jumping forearm smash went so well the first time that Lesnar figures, “why not again?” But this time Cena cuts him off with a right fist wrapped in steel chain. John hits 11 on the babyface fire scale and after Brock (eventually) staggers back to his feet, Cena spins him around for an AA onto the steel steps and 1-2-3, John Cena is your winner.
Part 4: Post Match/Conclusion
“I got power, poison, pain and joy inside my DNA
I got hustle though, ambition, flow, inside my DNA”
So let’s get to the bad first. Cause the bad is the thing that keeps some people from liking this match in any way, shape, or form. John Cena won. He won and it made no sense for him to win from a short or long term booking sense. The story since Mania was that he was facing this career downslide and it only took him a month to overcome it. On top of that, having Brock, the legit modern day baddest man on the planet, lose in his first match back was insanity. Now, was Brock protected in this loss? Yes. The clear story of the match is he didn’t take Cena and the rest of the “fake” WWE locker room seriously. He toyed with John. The ONE TIME he actually went for a pin fall was following a ref bump so his finish was protected. Still, he shouldn’t have lost.
Had they switched 2 spots, this would have been a completely flawless match. Midway through the match, Cena should have countered the F-5 and hit an AA following the ref bump. So Cena would have gotten the false finish and been protected a little. Then at the close of the match, Lesnar should have slipped away from the AA and hit the F-5 on the steps for the win. Bam, that’s all this match needed.
All that being said, I don’t hate the finish. It is the wrong finish but it doesn’t bother me as much as the post match shenanigans.
As the ring bell sounds for the finish, both men are down, totally spent. Lesnar is up first. Does he get the last laugh by laying Cena out with an F-5? Nope. He just kind of wanders off. Cena sells the beating at first but then half shrugs it off. “Mom, how’d I do? I look ok?” Cena bats the thought away. “I’m fine.”
In a totally out of left field “house show” move, Cena then grabs a mic and cuts a promo. The puts over Chicago as a “wrestling town.” He puts over the locker room. He puts over the beating he took. “I think I’m headed home…. Thanks for one hell of a last ride.” Spoiler alert, Cena fights John Laurinaitis at the next PPV. So yeah, this was weird.
Anyway, I think I’ve written all I can about this match and why I love it. It’s got physicality. It’s got blood. It’s got a hot crowd. The match structure is completely un-WWE. It’s not built around sequences, signature spots, and false finishes. There’s a sense of urgency and danger. It’s just an amazing, unique experience. Go ahead and give it a rewatch and share your thoughts below.
Cheers
