Match Predictions and Heat Index Anticipation Levels
Temperature Scale = Scorching > Hot > Lukewarm > Temperate > Chilly > Cold > Freezing
Heat Index is my assessment of how interesting the segment is, including how excited I am for the match and how intriguing the feud has been. The hotter, the better. Scorching translates to not being able to wait to see it, while Freezing means I couldn’t possibly care less and think it will be awful.
UNIVERSAL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH:
Roman Reigns (c) vs. Daniel Bryan
Heat Index = Temperate
Prediction: Roman Reigns wins.
Thoughts: Roman Reigns is great. Daniel Bryan is great. Jey Uso is great. Edge is great. So why is this just Temperate? Well, because it’s a throwaway match with an obvious outcome. There’s no way Bryan wins this and I think WWE would have been better off not having Fastlane and merging this card with Elimination Chamber to make one good event, rather than splitting the difference and watering both down.
WOMEN’S TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH:
Nia Jax and Shayna Baszler (c) vs. Bianca Belair and Sasha Banks
Heat Index = Cold
Prediction: Nia Jax and Shayna Baszler wins.
Thoughts: You just did this at the last event. If you didn’t accomplish what you wanted to then, that’s still your fault for making a mistake in the past and having to repeat yourself or having not thought in advance. The booking for Banks and Belair has been awful for this entire feud, which has revolved more around Carmella’s sommelier than anything else. As Conrad Thompson would say, who booked this shit? Belair and Banks are great and it’s as if someone is actively trying to make sure this feud has no legs.
INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH:
Big E (c) vs. Apollo Crews
Heat Index = Temperate
Prediction: Big E wins.
Thoughts: A byproduct of WWE’s incessant “rinse and repeat” philosophy from this past year or two, I’m over this feud, despite being a fan of both and liking Apollo’s new heel turn. WWE just runs things into the ground. By now, we’ve seen them wrestle at least three times, right? On top of that, they’ve fought each other and cut promos probably another half dozen times. Once something happens 10+ times in a row, I’m no longer as interested as if this had been one match where Crews loses, turns heel, and this is the rematch (especially if it were given a gimmick stipulation, instead of being “just another match” again).
UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH:
Riddle (c) vs. Mustafa Ali
Heat Index = Chilly
Prediction: Riddle wins.
Thoughts: We just saw this on Raw. This week. WWE is just double-dipping again, so of course I’m not feeling super thrilled about a rerun that serves no purpose other than to fill time. Even though both are talented, there’s no hook to this. If I wanted to watch a repeat, I could go back and rewatch this week’s Raw.
NO HOLDS BARRED MATCH:
Drew McIntyre vs. Sheamus
Heat Index = Temperate
Prediction: Drew McIntyre wins.
Thoughts: WWE missed an opportunity to make this a No. 1 contender’s match. Or for something to be on the line. Or for it to matter. Or to not do the match until now so that it isn’t the fourth or fifth time they’ve fought each other, not even counting the non-match fights and interferences and such. This is how you run something into the ground very quickly despite it having legs to be entertaining over a longer stretch of time.
SINGLES MATCH:
Alexa Bliss vs. Randy Orton
Heat Index = Freezing
Prediction: No contest.
Thoughts: This isn’t even happening. Instead, it will be a glorified promo segment. It’s not going to be a regular match. Orton and Bliss will stare each other down for a bit. Then, the lights will go out and The Fiend will pop up. He’ll fight with Orton. The whole thing will be thrown out as a no-contest. It’s just a means to have the commentators go “What’s going on?!” and then “Oh my god, The Fiend is back!” and then to run replays of it on the next episode of Raw to set up yet another promo segment with Orton and Wyatt saying they’ll fight at WrestleMania in a Firefly Fun House Zippity Do Da Blah Blah We Just Renamed a Regular No DQ to Something Else to Make It Seem More Special Because We Have Props match. I’ve been over this feud since it started. I just want it to end.
SINGLES MATCH:
Braun Strowman vs. Shane McMahon
Heat Index = Temperate
Prediction: Shane McMahon wins.
Thoughts: This match isn’t truly happening, either, I think. I fully expect this to be another “ha, we got you, the REAL match is happening at WrestleMania” scenario. Shane will screw around and “win” the match through some kind of shenanigans, like running around ringside and quickly getting in before the 10-count while Strowman gets counted out. That way, Shane can continue his whole “you’re stupid” act and say he outsmarted him and Strowman can challenge him to a gimmick match at WrestleMania. This is bad and at its best, the type of stuff you do on Raw, not a pay-per-view. Then again, I guess pay-per-views don’t matter anymore, right? TV is meant to build to a PPV, which just builds to TV, and nothing ever actually gets accomplished in this cycle.
SINGLES MATCH:
Seth Rollins vs. Shinsuke Nakamura
Heat Index = Lukewarm
Prediction: Seth Rollins wins.
Thoughts: There isn’t too much to sink your teeth into with this, but I’m glad it’s happening. It will help push along the feud between Rollins and Cesaro, with Nakamura as the unfortunate fall-guy. Ideally, these two can go out and have a great, competitive match and it isn’t booked as just a means for Rollins to win too fast.
OVERALL PPV:
How excited am I for the event as a whole?
Heat Index = Cold
Thoughts: Fastlane is stuck between a rock and a hard place. It truly feels as though nothing is going to happen and it will be a waste of time, where WWE could have just done all this at Elimination Chamber, instead. However, if crazy things happen, it’s too close to WrestleMania and it will feel like it’s too chaotic. WWE has booked itself into a no-win scenario.
What do you think is going to happen at WWE Fastlane? Which matches are you most excited to see? Keep the discussion going in the comments below!
